Your face is a jimmy john
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
