fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
zippers are such a cool invention
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
