the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize