Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
