That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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