"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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