the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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