1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
