Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
