Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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