If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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