I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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