can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
