dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
