Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
