I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize