I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
