Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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