Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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