Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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