i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
