I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
