you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize