Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
