i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
