Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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