Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
