I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
