She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
