Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
