you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
