why didn't you poke me back
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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