Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize