I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
