What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize