He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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