Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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