He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
