I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
