How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize