hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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