So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize