Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
