i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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