My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
