It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
