um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
