I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
