I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
