Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When are your genitals available?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
