Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
