The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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