You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize