I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
