It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Is it penis luge time yet?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
