Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize