Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
