I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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