can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
