Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
