Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
