And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
