So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
