Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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