this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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